Recipes for surviving the holidays. (No really. Bookmark this page.)

Taking a break from disturbing your mind-independent reality.

PRO PHOTO TIP: Pointing does little to get your dog to look at the camera…especially when he can’t see your finger.

SUPER PRO TIP: Give pro tips before the holidays, not during or after. Yeah. Good one.

A bit late here. Too busy baking, as you’ll soon see.

So no, I wasn’t joking about the recipes. Yes, philosophers can do practical things sometimes. The truth is, I have been baking my ass off on for decades. In this post I’ll share some of go-to holiday favorites.

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CASSEROLE THAT SAVES YOUR ASS FROM MAKING EGGS TO ORDER FOR EV-ER-Y-BOD-Y.

No picture. Sorry. Just trust it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made this recipe. It’s really a lifesaver because it keeps in the fridge and guests who get up earlier than you (that’s everyone for me) can simply microwave it the next morning. Breakfast again and again! And it’s still damned delicious. This recipe comes from the woman who hosts our writing group every month, and she knows a thing or two about entertaining. I am telling you. Thank you, Mary Martha! (bottom left, gorgeous hair):

Dearest Garden Group,

I made up that big pan of Eggs Margarita so I could give everyone some to take home, and then didn't do it! ( It's so good for house guests and/or a brunch dish. I usually serve a banana/blueberry fruit salad with some fresh orange juice and zest over the fruit.) So here's the recipe:

Eggs Margarita

• 12 eggs

• 1 lb. Monterrey Jack cheese, grated

• 1 T. baking powder

• 2 cups cottage cheese

• 1/2 cup flour

• 1 stick (1/4 lb.) butter

• 1 small can green chile peppers, chopped and drained

Melt the butter in a 9x13 baking dish.

Beat eggs in a bowl, add the remaining ingredients and pour into baking dish.

Bake @ 400 degrees for 30 minutes. Test with knife at center.

Serve with salsa on the side.

(You can half this recipe using an 8x8 square baking dish and using 3/4 of the can of chiles.)

Thanks for all the wonderful editing on everyone!

Mary Martha

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BRIE EN CROUTE…it only sounds fancy. It’s actually stupid easy to make.

Ingredients: Brie. Puff pastry. Butter. Maple syrup. Mm.

1. Buy or make puff pastry. Here’s a fast and easy recipe. You’re skeptical. I can feel your skepticism through the internet. But seriously, it’s really a pretty good recipe for quick puff pastry. I didn’t think it was possible either. And you probably already have the ingredients in your fridge. I don’t even use pie crust anymore. Why bother when puff pastry exists?

2. Roll out pastry as necessary to cover brie. Wrap brie with the pastry (don’t fret over this) and place in a buttered casserole dish, seams down. Brush with butter. Feel free to include a layer of leftover cranberry sauce or jam or pecans…Score the top however you want.

3. Bake at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes until golden brown. Check at the 15 minute-mark to make sure the crust isn’t burning.

4. Drizzle with maple syrup as the brie is coming out of the oven. Let cool for a sec so you don’t burn the roof of your mouth. But don’t wait too long.

5. EAT!

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MARZIPAN STOLLEN:

King Arthur Flour Recipe for Christmas Stollen (modify nuts and fruits as desired, but do weigh everything) plus the following

MARZIPAN recipe (from Laura, also in my writing group):

• 1 1/2 cups very finely ground blanched almond flour

• 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

• 2 teaspoons pure almond extract

• 1 teaspoon food-grade rose water

• 3 tablespoons water OR maple syrup OR honey (enough to bring dough together)

1. Mix it all together until it feels like Play-doh (not Plato).

2. Refrigerate until ready to use. Lasts a month in the fridge, six months in the freezer. It’s really much better fresh, though. Make logs just like you did in kindergarten, as fat as you want them to be (I like ‘em fat!) and fold the stollen dough around them. Bake. Eat. Repeat.

   

Stollen is all about the marzipan, in my humble opinion, so I go ahead and double the recipe to make sure I have a mostly-marzipan stollen.

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MY SECRET MIDNIGHT CAKE

Why do I call this “midnight” cake? Because I swear it tastes best after midnight. I don’t know why. Must be eaten over the kitchen sink with all the lights off. Those stars are leftover marzipan painted gold.

Why do I call this a “secret” midnight cake? That’s for me to know...

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COMING SOON…

How would you like to contribute to my novel in progress? The novel I’m working on is based on my short story, A Not Very Philosophical Zombie, but you don’t have to read it to participate. You can help me by simply leaving a comment on an upcoming fictional blog post (very meta, I know). Your comments can be fictional or genuine—you decide.

HERE’S THE STORY PREMISE: A guy named Brian is found dead on a service road. An autopsy reveals he has no brain, and there’s no sign it has been…taken out. How could he have lived without a brain? The authorities won’t investigate Brian’s case—kinda hard to investigate the murder of someone who was never alive.

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

WHAT DO YOU THINK MAKE?

Got any tried and true recipes to share? Tips? Rituals? Traditions? I’d love to hear them when you’re done with your shenanigans.